Cass & Emma
Dec, 9, 2025
EP 244: Q+A: " Do I Owe My Partner An Orgasm?"
In this week's episode we're answering one of YOUR questions with a combination of expert tips and personal experience.
The Question: "I'm a 35yo woman who’s been married to a really good guy for the last seven years.
He never pressures me or anything, but every time I don’t want sex, I instantly feel like i’m being a
shitty wife. I know that’s some leftover ‘good girl / keep your man happy’ garbage, but the guilt is
still really loud. How do I stop feeling like I’m failing him every time I’m not horny?"
What We Cover in This Episode:
- Why you never owe anyone sex. Why consent and desire are required every single time, even in a loving and committed marriage.
- Create new scratch file from selectionWhere the guilt comes from. How “good girl conditioning” teaches us to prioritize a partner’s pleasure over our own boundaries.
- Obligation sex vs wanted sex. Why a supportive partner should only want intimacy you are genuinely excited about, not sex given out of pressure.
- How guilt impacts pleasure and connection. How anxiety, obligation, and performance mindset shut down arousal and make sex feel high stakes.
- What happens when you keep overriding your no’s. Why ignoring your boundaries leads to resentment, disconnect, and a shrinking desire for sex.
- Rewriting what it means to be a good partner. Why your value is not based on a penis ejaculating, and how honoring your needs strengthens intimacy.
- How to support your own desire and autonomy. Tools and mindset shifts to release pressure, protect your no’s, and show up with real desire when it is there.
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